new days ahead

Tomorrow is the first day back to work for me. It is also the first day Mae and Lu will be going to Dawn's. (Chris is going to work too, but he hasn't had much of a break from his work like I have...so nothing new for him!) We are all anxious about our new weekly schedule, and it's funny how I can already feel the structure re-settling around our house. I'm sure it's very similar in everyone's homes right now - the day after Labor day means back to reality...

Chris and I had a great time at our Dave show at the Gorge - went too fast, but had a nice break to ourselves. :) We also attended little Mikey Sorenson's 1st bday party in Prineville yesterday, which was a lot of fun for our whole family. Jon's wife, Mai, is SOOOOO nice, as is the rest of her family - and very Asian... (okay, I know that sounded a little strange, but you just have to know me and the amusement Chris and I both felt at watching our daughter play with so many kids that sort of looked like her - something I NEVER did as a child growing up in Prineville.)

Anyway, another boring post. We did get a "Bumbo" seat for Little Lu so she can learn to sit up, and mostly so she can add yet another new item to the "baby" things she can do/play. Mae got a cute little guitar, just her size, from Gramma and Papa - she's looooves it!

We love our girls so much - they are so fun to watch, teach and spend endless hours with. I say this now when they're both in bed and I'm going to start leaving them four mornings a week - I will miss them, but know that they are also on to new things themselves.

We are unbelievably thankful for the blessings we all share together on this earth.

Loves!

oh how I love little girls...

I've spent the last few weeks almost exclusively with the girls -- Chris has been working A LOT, my sister hasn't visited, we've hardly gone to Prineville. This is fine, a little daunting at times without much of a break, but when it's all said and done - I won't have this time with them back once it's gone, right?

So at night when I'm sooo tired, trying to get ready for bed with a little quiet to myself, I get to reflect on the fun, and so easily forget the day's incidents, as those are also behind me. I think about how beautiful Mae's face is, especially first thing in the morning when she smiles with her sweet little dimples on her perfectly smooth skin - she loves to "read" to me, but I have to tell her "what the words say" first! I also try to remember new details of Lu's little face - how she changes so quickly every day, and each expression brings more delight to all of us. She coos "talks" too, which is the sweetest sound I know right now.

I am truly humbled when I think about how God has entrusted these amazing little people to us - to ME (?!)... I work hard for them, feel like a failure at least once a day (at least!), but know He has let us have them, know them, and love them for a reason.

I watched tonight as Mae put on her nightie after her bath, put her small purse over her shoulder, stepped into her favorite high-heeled shoes, and picked up her little baby "Sia" and cradled her in her arms, whispering a little something in her ear... she didn't know I was watching as she carried on, but I savored it.

Being a mommy to these two little girls is one of my favorite things to be.

Loves!

1 and 1/2 weeks left...

Okay - first post. I've started writing a little something many times, but never felt it was actually interesting enough to "publish." I'm boring, but here goes...

I'm going back to work on September 2nd. I've been on maternity leave since the end of April, and I'm looking forward to returning to the office, but of course I'm a little torn... Now that I've been off with the girls, it will be an adjustment to get back on a structured schedule each morning and say goodbye to Mae and Lu when they go to daycare... BUT it's what I've always said I wanted, and have known about myself - that I love/need to work outside the home, even if it's just part time. I'm sure the biggest reason is because going to work is actually easier than staying at home, which truly is the hardest job there is!

It will be good - for everyone. Mae needs to get more socialized - she will get that at Dawn's. She will start preschool lessons there with Dawn's daughter, and she is very excited to learn. Lu needs to learn to like someone other than her mommy - it's important for her to feel comfortable with others. I need to get out of the house and focus on something other than the house each day, just for a little while. It's been four months - it's time.

I used to feel so much guilt about feeling this way, but I've just had to learn this about myself, and give no apologies. I know I am doing what is best for all of us...happier mommies mean happier children and babies.

It will not be easy to get back into the swing of things, nor will I enjoy missing the girls everyday, but it's just our reality for now. We are blessed to have the choice, but for now this is what I've chosen. We'll see how it goes after Labor Day.

On a different note, Chris and I got tickets once again for Dave Matthews Band at the Gorge. We always look forward to this concert, although the tone may be slightly different this year, as they have just lost one of their band members. It will be the first overnight trip away from Lu, but both girls will be staying with my mom, which is like a vacation for them.

See, I said I was boring... Please feel free to write me anytime about anything. I love to visit. Just know that I am a person who, as my dear friend Lana says, "loves being a mom, just not a housewife..."

Loves!